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Archive for the ‘80’s_’ Category

mohairbear

Especially one rendered in mohair.

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Meow

Even after she left the stage to pursue a career in modeling Karen was never really able to let go of having played Grizabella in the original Broadway production of Cats.

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Swimsuitissue

Everyone in gym class tried not to laugh as the Albanian exchange student attempted to take her new American-style knitted swimsuit off over her head.

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In keeping with this, the Golden Age of Makeovers, and in honor of the return of the greatest makeover show ever (Beauty and the Geek), we present to you the much heralded, greatly anticipated:

Threadbared Prince of Darkness Makeover

Devil_needs_a_new_dress_1

BEFORE

Old Lucifer (seen here in The Passion of the Christ) has a number of aesthetic problems. Pale, sallow skin. Bloodshot eyes. Undereye circles. Missing eyebrows. Scary ass Grim Reaper hoodie.  The nails from the Saw movie poster.  Clearly he…she…it(?)…needs some help. If only there were eight beautiful morons here to help. Oh well, we’ll have to do the best we can with the two morons we have here at Threadbared.

OK…so we gave old Luci a little tinted moisturizer, some Cover Girl blush from 1986, and a couple of prosthetic eyebrows that we made from those fake fiesta mustaches that we got at Party City. Plus, we swapped the Dark Avenger’s hoodie of death for a kicky crochet number. Oh, and we gave it(?) one of those cool purses that really isn’t a purse at all but just a wallet shaped like a purse and at first you think it’s cool but then you realize that there’s nowhere to put your lip gloss.

Anyway, Voila! Here’s the new and improved Sassy Satan!!

Satan_in_a_crocheted_hoodie_1

AFTER

OK, so maybe the pink was a little much, but the skirt was a great choice. You can’t see it here, but the Evil One has some slammin’ gams.

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Pompomsweater

Sherri wasn’t sure if it was pompomitis, pompompulmonary dysplasia, connective pompom disease or merely pre-pompom syndrome but something was definitely not right.

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JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE…

WHEN YOU HAD FINALLY BEGUN TO RELAX…

YOU CLOSED YOUR EYES FOR ONE MINUTE AND NOW…

Attackofthebodythings

It’s the ATTACK OF THE BODYTHINGS!!!!!

They were born during that tragic moment when science made its great mistake. A bizarre hybrid formed with lycra, hair gel and buns of steel. The Bodythings are strong. They are determined. Now from behind the shroud of night they come, a squatting, thrusting, aerobicizing horde of creatures destroying all that gets in their path.

NO ONE WILL BE SAFE….

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My_bread_box_1

Roy knew when he married Jenny that she wasn’t the smartest woman in the world.  She couldn’t do “hard math like subtraction”, open a bottle of Tylenol, or follow the plot of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode.  And she was always putting her head into the arm holes of her sweaters – even though he drew that diagram for her.  But she had plenty of other good qualities.  She made great untoasted toast.  She had incredible concentration.  She could stare at something shiny for hours.  Plus, she had a pretty decent rack.

And when their first child was born, she loved him like crazy. There was only one problem.  She had the habit of confusing him with other things.  Once she gave a warm gentle bath to their VCR (which is not covered under warranty, by the way).  Then there was the afternoon that she took that dead possum to the park and pushed it on the swing  (park mommies can be so judgmental).  Ron didn’t think she was careless, just…well…a moron.  But his moron.  The moron mother of his child with the nice boobs.

Still, when their second child was born he decided not to take any chances.  The day that Jenny figured out she was pregnant, Ron went out and bought an embroidery machine.  That gave him the remaining 3 months of her pregnancy to label everything in the house.

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